If you read my ‘About Me’ you’ll know that this blog is about many things: being a mother/parent, a physician, and an *aspiring* endurance athlete (I say aspiring as I have only ran any signifiant ultra distances once…but I’ll get into that another time) but that they all share one thing in common and that is patience.
I can honestly say, I never knew how patient I was, or would learn to be, until I became a mother. Those of you who know me well know that I’m a doer. Before having kids I was constantly on the go. Being home doing nothing wasn’t something I did. People would watch movies or binge on Netflix during the day? That was crazy talk to me (though now sounds like a dream day….). I was out studying, running, hiking, working, involved with committees, socializing – you name it. Now with three young children my days are the opposite, mostly spent at home keeping the peace and trying to run our home. Getting out with just the baby, or alone, for that matter, is a feat for me these days.
Being a parent, patience is probably one of the most important traits you need to have, or learn. Holding your newborn as they cry for no reason for sometimes hours on end; dealing with the constant negotiation of toddlers as you try to get through a day without tantrums, getting out the door on time, getting healthy food into their mouths, getting into the bath, getting out of the bath, negotiating bedtime etc. And I can’t even imagine what the tween and teen years will bring! The amount of negotiating, explaining and waiting that goes on in a day as a parent is unbelievable. I think of myself as patient person, but I have to say that at times I do lose my patience and I am constantly working on this. It’s SO hard as a parent to maintain composure when you’re at the end of your rope, you’ve been negotiating all day long with your brood and you just want them to go to sleep so you can have that coveted hour of two of uninterrupted adult time before you go to sleep to recharge and do it all again the next day. I’m currently reading a book called ‘Permission to Parent’ by Robin Berman who talks a lot about this and how hard it is as a parent to remove emotion from the equation. And this is something I think I do well most of the time, but that I also need to work on daily.
I also need to be more patient with my husband, who is incredibly patient with me (most of the time :). My mind works at a mile a minute and I’m constantly doing five tasks at once. I’m very organized in my own disorganized way. In my efforts to keep our family of five organized, I have piles around our house. Piles of children’s toys I want to take back up to their room, piles of toys to donate, piles of laundry to be folded, piles of clothes to donate, piles of paperwork to be filed, piles of magazines to sort through…you get the picture. And my husband, whose German heritage tends towards tidiness and order, is not into piles. His home has basically become over run with toys, baby paraphernalia and piles and piles and piles. His closet is his only sacred space left in the house. So when I see his socks on the counter or his bike left out in our mudroom, instead of asking (dare I say nagging) him to move it, I have to take a breath and remember this is his home too. I may be the one at home these days and organizing our lives, but I need to be patient and remember it’s a shared space and he puts up with my piles so I need to relax a bit. I’m not perfect, so why should I expect him to be?
Being a family physician also requires an immense amount of patience. Gone are the days where a physician was put on a pedestal (which isn’t a bad thing) and we now are taught to practice ‘patient centred’ care where we put the patients needs, interests and wishes at the centre of our treatment. I think this model works most of the time and is a positive change in the practice of medicine. The problem comes when you are dealing with patients who doubt that you have their best interests at heart; when they don’t want to vaccinate their children because they believe the ‘research’ they have done on the internet reading testimonials and totally false information; when you disagree that the vitamins and supplements their naturopath has prescribed are indicated; when you disagree that cannabis oil is going to cure their cancer. You need an inordinate amount of patient to listen to their side, understand where they are coming from and to try to explain that you DO in fact have their best interests at heart and your goal is to optimize their health.
And being a mother and physician while still trying/aspiring to be an endurance athlete requires a well of patience. Patience mostly with myself. I have had three children in four years. My body has changed incredibly, and I have to be kind and patient as I slowly work to get back to the level of fitness I once had. I have zero abdominal tone. I have bad PFP (patello-femoral pain syndrome) after my hips expanded to carry and deliver these beautiful babies. I am still carrying extra weight (how could I not be?! I gave birth to my third beautiful boy only three months ago!). But I have to remind myself of this almost daily, when I can barely do five push ups in a row (on my knees!), when I am out of breath after running just a few km, when I still can’t squeeze into half of my wardrobe, that I need to be patient and kind. It took 10 months for my body to change and to gain the weight, so I need to expect it will take the same amount of time to shed the weight and get my fitness back.
So that’s why I decided to name my blog finding patients. I wanted to be a bit clever 🙂 And because on a daily basis, I am trying to remind myself to be patient; patient with my children, patient with my patients and patient with myself.